jennabee.tumblr.com. Okay. I’ve been working from home for almost a year now. At first, I couldn’t keep my shit together and would sit cross-legged in my bed in my sweatpants from sunrise to sunset. As much stress and hectic garbage as I thought I felt, I still made very few deadlines, ever. I was a living, breathing pile of worthless, my breasts probably lost some of their perkiness cause I never, ever wore a bra — and with no face-to-face interaction all day, 6 pm would roll around and I would be so surly that the idea of other humans existing somewhere on this planet pissed me off. And also, it was only by some miracle of Jesus that my computer was never chucked into a body of water. But as the months progressed, I got the whole routine down, so! Tips on being productive and happy from the home office:

1. Setup.

• Get yourself some light. Buy a couple extra floor lamps, invest in curtains that look cute but don’t block out sunlight, purchase some bright pink shit, change your bedspread to something whiter or brighter; whatever you need to do. If your environs are cave-esque, your mood will be fucking garbage.
• Get some flowers. And be real with yourself: they’re gonna be silk ones, cause you’re cheap and lazy — and, just like un-framed art, indoor Christmas lights and futons, there are only a limited number of years in one’s life when such an item is acceptable to put in your home. I suggest you take advantage of this.
• Clear off your desk. Make lots of space. I am neurotic and the sight of cords and cables and clutter and shit stresses me out. Line stuff up; make it orderly.

2. Morning.

• Oh my God. Wake up at the same time every day. Oh my God. Seriously.
• Do things before you sit your fat ass down at your desk. Don’t check Tumblr first thing in the morning. Get out of bed, go to yoga class, run to Starbucks (and by “run” I mean walk), eat breakfast, whatever. You will not touch your computer until it’s business time.
• Shower and get dressed. Including shoes. Oh my God. Seriously. Don’t stay in your PJ’s — unless you are sick, exceptionally hung over, PMSing like a dragon or need to prove to yourself that there is, indeed, a reason why you chose a job in which you work from home (this will happen approximately twice a month). Sweatpants and bralessness are like productivity suicide. You don’t need to dry your hair or put on makeup or whatever (also, watch what happens to your hair and skin when hairdryers and foundation take a vacay!). Just de-nastify yourself.
• Okay. So now you can plant your fat ass at your desk.

3. Routine.

• I eat at the exact same times every day. And when you work from home, I’m sorry to notify you, you have absolutely no excuse for eating like shit. There are no office birthday cakes to tempt you, no I-had-to-grab-Five-Guys-cause-it-was-close lunch disasters. Buy fresh produce and take some time to prepare meals for yourself. Don’t just graze all day. In fact, keep your ass out of the kitchen when you’re not making an actual meal; it’s not like you’ve gotta be in there to socialize with the office folk or whatever.
• Every hour-esque, stand up and walk around. Or put on some Kate Nash and dance around. You’re gonna feel ridiculous, but hey: who the hell is around to see you?
• When it is lunchtime, leave your desk. Leave. Go eat at a table, or turn on Tyra or something. Get away from your computer and separate your work time from your break time. [I learned this from my boss!]
• I don’t ever do this, but it works for some people: designate one web browser for work stuff and one for leisure stuff. Safari for work; Firefox for Tumblr and Facebook and bullshit.
• Try to say at least three words to one real person before the workday is over. Your roommate, your deli guy, the Starbucks Barista, yo momma on the phone — whatevs. If you do not do this, no shit, you will start talking to yourself within 3 weeks, and then you will suddenly find yourself ganking a pair of clippers from a barber shop in Sherman Oaks and shaving your head completely bald and then using your umbrella to go apeshit on SUV’s and is that what you really want?
• And when your work is done, slam your computer shut and take a fucking walk before you plant your ass back in your chair to see what you missed on Tumblr.

via tumblr.